When Stance goes wrong and other funny things the TÜV found

"Klaus Schmoll" (klausschmoll) 09/23/2013 at 17:08 • Filed to: DIY

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The German TÜV is known/feared for its thorough safety inspections and a no-nonsense attitude. The price for no speed limits on the Autobahn is very rigorous (and expensive) driver training, and a strict regime for keeping the cars that are on the road in a safe state. Every two years a car has to pass TÜV inspections.

There are two ways to do that:

1. You drop the car off at the shop of your trust. They will do what is needed to pass inspection, if there is anything at all. A Tüv person comes to their shop and slaps a new inspection sticker on your ride. This is the easy way to do it! Most of the time, these inspectors have built a relationship with the shop and they have developed a certain kind of trust in their work. I once got a fresh inspection sticker on a MKII Golf that was missing a fender, front bumper, one headlight, grille, and a few other parts on the promise that "we put it back together". Same with the Mazda 626 with the airbag warning light. The shop's owner promised to make me go to a Mazda dealership to have that fixed. This is the easier way.

2. Go take your car to a Tüv inspection place yourself. They don't know you. They don't know where or if you had your vehicle serviced. All they know is that it last saw an inspection two years ago. It's not quite surprising that they won't trust any promises of the "Yeah, I was just going to get that fixed" kind. So when people take some time during business hours to present their vehicle themselves, they usually make sure that everything is in tip top shape, sometimes with varying results.

The picture on top is kind of self-explanatory.

This is how a truck driver decorated his 36 ton behemoth's cabin. Why not take it down and put it back up after the inspection?

This guy had a tiny crack in his front wheel so he grinded it out in a v-shape to stop it from progressing any further. Common sense, right?

If your engine is leaking, but leaking oil is bad for Johnny polar bear or something, you install a second oil pan, right?

That was worth a try, it almost survived the trip to the inspection.

This one I leave to you. Spot what's wrong here!

Interesting solution!

Another take on this "second oil pan" idea. Taken quite literally.

Your E36's ignition lock has shit the bed? Why not install a start button like all these new cars have.

Picture credit and some more: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

TurboSloth > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 17:11

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I don't know how modified cars would be, or if ze Germans have stricter modification laws than the US, but I guess that's the price of having a highway where you can floor it.

dogisbadob > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 17:12

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looks better than the shocks I just replaced!

505Turbeaux > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 17:12

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hahaha looks like Maine. Except we have it every year.

jsmizira > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 17:24

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i jumped out of my chair screaming NO! when i saw this.

bright side: plenty of pad life...

MonkeePuzzle > jsmizira 09/23/2013 at 17:33

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lol@ the bright side :D

DailyTurismo > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 17:33

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This reads like an exerpt from 24 Hours of LeMons for Dummies. This is basic "crapcan racing" hod rodding secrets here!!

stuttgartobsessed > jsmizira 09/23/2013 at 17:48

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I'm not exactly sure what is wrong here... The pad locked against the disc? INFORM ME!

please?

Klaus Schmoll > stuttgartobsessed 09/23/2013 at 18:00

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The pad was installed the wrong side around. It's quite a marvel that it did even fit that way. Brake caliper is now pushing the metal that holds the actual braking surface onto the disk.

stuttgartobsessed > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 18:05

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Ah Ha! Thanks! And yah, now I can see that. Though I'm still perplexed that a mechanic would do it wrong. I guess it was DIY job gone backwards... (See what I did there?)

Casper > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 18:33

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I just had to come here and ask: Does stancing ever go right? The whole concept seems fundamentally flawed...

duurtlang > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 18:33

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I'm still somewhat amazed the TÜV check is only once every two years. In many other countries, like my own, it's every year, and it's probably about as stringent.

Lars9877 > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 19:24

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I don't think that's possible on my car.

How can you be so dumb to do a first time job and forget how it looks assembled.

Lars9877 > duurtlang 09/23/2013 at 19:28

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Tüv is a bit overrated in the US I guess. Drove really shitty cars when I was 18 to 22, oil leaks, some "minor" problems with the brakes etc and always found a way to avoid the real expensive stuff.

They are just humans, you can talk to them if you know, how to interact.

Plus it helps to know that their is an alternative to Tüv: Dekra. They also do the obligatory car checks (and were a bit cheaper when I used to live in germany).

wkiernan > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 19:42

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I'm not a great mechanic, but that brake pad picture is making me feel real good about the brake job I did on my own car.

GreenN_Gold > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 19:44

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Not that it makes it any better, but that 36 ton behemoth looks an awful lot like a late 90's/early 00's Jeep Grand Cherokee.

tapzz > Klaus Schmoll 09/23/2013 at 20:30

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That reminded me. Back before there was a APK (TÜV) car inspection regime in the Netherlands, there was a weekly 'wreck on the roads' segment in a popular TV consumer advice programme. It was made in cooperation with the police, and was suspected of softening up the public for a periodic safety inspection.

Consider me softened up. I don't think you need to understand Dutch to see the many, many things wrong with this Fiat:

theseeker411 > Casper 09/23/2013 at 20:53

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Sure. The air-ride suspension in my e24 lets me get the car on the ground when I want to, then I can raise it up to drive and it's infinitely more comfortable than the Koni shocks and Spax springs that I used to have on it.

Klaus Schmoll > tapzz 09/24/2013 at 08:41

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Oh my fucking word, that car was a deathtrap. I would have liked to understand more of the owners excuses for the sad state of the car, though. Also a very creative way to crush the car.

Klaus Schmoll > duurtlang 09/24/2013 at 08:43

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They tried to shorten the interval to one year to fit in with other EU countries, but the ADAC (thankfully) pays too many political lobbyists.

tapzz > Klaus Schmoll 09/24/2013 at 13:47

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He tries hard to plead ignorance - which is a bit hard if you cut through the pipe to a brake whose calliper has disintegrated - but when confronted with the question what he thinks about the danger he's exposed others to by driving this thing, he simply says "I can't answer that..."

Mind, I saw a Plymouth Horizon of mid '80s vintage on a Texan highway a year or so ago that was in similar condition. The main difference was that it was the front wheel that was hanging on by one bolt. I know this, because the driver overtook me twice at 70+ mph, only to slow down to about 30 mph a bit later while the wheel tried to violently dissociate itself from the car.

I think I'd rather put up with the TÜV/APK/MOT...

Poundingsand > jsmizira 09/25/2013 at 15:44

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And have a look at how far that disc is worn down - on one side only! Was the inside pad installed correctly???

boxjohn > Lars9877 09/25/2013 at 15:52

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Yeah I don't think you could do this on most setups I've worked on. But then, often it takes some monkeying around to get it to go in the right way, so I can sorta see using a BFH or whatever to get it to go the wrong way. Still amazing.

HugePanic > Klaus Schmoll 09/25/2013 at 15:57

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Correct me if i am wrong:

In the U.S. you are reaponsible for all the modifications in your car. In an accident you can be asked to show that it's not a failure of your modifications, and that the car is road legal!!??

In Germany you have to show all "major" modifications to the TÜV (or similar institurion). After that, your car is certified, and no insurance can blame you for any modification...

Klaus Schmoll > HugePanic 09/25/2013 at 16:05

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Well, yes and no. If the car still is in the state it was in at the last inspection (no further mods, no neglected maintenance) you should be good, and could even pass any legal heat onto the manufacturer of your certified mod parts, but the inspection interval is 2 years, a long time in which tires can get bald, bushings wear out etc...

Scaggnetti > stuttgartobsessed 09/25/2013 at 17:02

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Rotor is way too thin to pass, pad is destroyed, rotor is destroyed